The cry of my heart

Another post I am sharing from my notes at Facebook. :)

A lot of this must have been partly inspired by the book I just finished reading.

Crazy Love by Francis Chan

http://crazylovebook.com/
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Sharing some of my thoughts today…6.28.10
June 28th at 9:25pm (Facebook)
The core of my being cries out many nights, in my dreams, to the Living God who created the Universe.

My heart yearns to be closer, but in my waking life I find that my human-nature tends to prevail more often than I would like. While I hope and pray for wisdom, I often, more so, find that I know nothing.
I hope for a life that glorifies God and solid integrity...modeling patience, kindness, and love. Then I find myself wasting my time, talking about someone, or even yelling at my children and sitting down thinking that I am poorly modeling my faith. Is that how God would react to me...the way I've reacted to the kids? If so, how much more yelling would I deserve than they? How many worse things have I done?

God I need patience and "slow to speak" abilities!!!(James 1:19)
Help me to model Your love, patience, forgiveness and kindness...!!!

( A couple thoughts I've pondered this past week.)

• A stagnant pond will not provide desirable drinking water.

• A Gazelle is not wooed by a ravenous Lion.

The scary thing about sharing some of the deep thoughts you have…or thoughts about faith, is that people will more than likely misunderstand you. They will be quick to justify this or that and tell you that your convictions are just negative views placed upon you by society or religion. I tend to feel that if one’s conscience is heavy about a subject it is best to let them do what they feel is correct before God and allow God to work it out in that person by either stripping it away, healing them, or strengthening them as they seek Him. *But not in forcing your convictions on others. (Romans 14)

- I tend to think about so many things sometimes that to others it seems very random or too much to think about at once. For that, if it is a struggle to follow this, I apologize. I have been thinking that there are many reasons to put your words down on paper, or in this case on the screen. It can help you see personal growth, help you to see where your thinking may not be correct, help a friend who may be going through similar situations, or I guess...I think it would be helpful sometimes for your children to read the things you struggle through as an adult/parent some day when they are grown up. Many times I have looked back and wished I had the discipline to journal regularly.



Often I catch myself living or "surviving-the-day" with wishful-hopes only. I can -live- each day with God instead of just surviving it to wake up the next day and do it all over again or wishing I would have found time to have “devotions”.
I can learn to trust God more fully each day and realize that it's not about MY time, but it's all His time. I need to stop myself from accepting the status quo and saying "someday everything will be...or some day everything will work out better".


I find it interesting that the bible says His mercies are new every morning. How cool is that and why can't we fully 'get it'? (Lam. 3:22-26)
I have heard many times people say "Live today, as if it were your last day." I used to think that was just another one of those sayings people said. Something to make people do something for someone else or to make you think they were smart, enlightened, or cool.
Today I sat and actually thought about that. What would I do differently if today -was- my last day? Would I be happy or sad? I have to say initially I would be sad. I suppose, as a mom, I feel entitled to grow up to an old age. To watch my children hit all their milestones, graduate, get married, and have children etc. Why do I feel that the quality of life my children will have would be lessened if I was gone? Is God not capable of meeting their needs? He was capable of meeting mine in my worst times.

~Then there are some days when I am defeated by what life has to offer and grateful that this is not all there is in life.~

My main concern would probably be that those around me would gain an understanding of who Jesus is if they don't know and that God desires us to be in relationship with Him. That they would have hope and the ability to Truly Live in this life knowing that we aren't born just to die. That they will know God and find freedom...truest love...and an amazing Joy and peace that passes all possible human understanding.
I greatly dream, and pray, that my Children will have a strong faith in God, that He will equip them with integrity, kindness, passion, and honesty.


What am I doing with my time? Much of it is spent on either taking care of my family or myself. The sad thing though is that my "care of self" is warped. I don't take care of myself in the ways I should. I don't brush my teeth as often as I should, I don't drink enough water(most days none at all), I don't eat healthy, and I don't exercise. I just make too many excuses.
One good, positive thing I had to force myself to do was to get into the word with “mom-bible study groups”. I have found that it's almost essential for stay-at-home mom's and working mom’s to find time to fellowship with other women/moms.
Otherwise, most of my "self-time" is spent wasted on things that, in the end, won't amount to anything. Stripping that away has been hard some days -trying to rationalize all the ways I can still do what I want and look for ways to 'fit in' what God wants. I'm still working on that, but I am thinking that there will be moments here and there when it will resurface if I don't keep my focus on God.
The opportunities when I can serve and share Christ are the best days...I wish sometimes I could do that every day, but I also love my family and enjoy my time with them. (Not meaning that they are seperate, but that I can't spend all my time at church, bible-studies, and serving or so much so that my home is neglected.)

Would…that I be fully healed as God sees fit to equip me to do a work that He would choose, not that I would choose, but that which I would entirely have to rely on Him to accomplish in order that I take no credit and all be done for and by Him through me, a willing vessel.