Relationships

Relationships...what does that word make you think of?
While this writing may not feel inspired to me as some of my other blogs where the words seem to flow from some deeper place. I have been pensive and thought I would share my thoughts tonight and ask for your opinions and personal insights. There are many questions here for you to consider and I would love to hear back from you! My brain is the type of "overthinking" brain that can generate many questions and ideas...so if you can handle that, read on. :) This is written primarily to women, but may be relatable to some men as well.

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I often think about relationships...with family, friends, coworkers, and those we interact with on a day to day basis.

I think about how good it feels to have at least one great friend that completely "get's you" and you can pick up and leave off as if no time has passed. Someone who doesn't have to be exactly like you, but for some reason you click and it just feels effortless, refreshing, and even when there is a disagreement, you manage to get through it together.

Some people never experience a good healthy friendship or a good healthy family relationship. Others try to have as many relationships as they can while some are content with just one or two.

Where do you find yourself in relationships?
A giver...a taker...or somewhere balanced in between? (Ebb & flo)
Many...few...or seeking for someone that "get's you"?
Do you find yourself the center of attention or a go-with-the-flo type of friend when you get together?
Are you always the driver or are you the friend that often has to be the first to call shot-gun? Do you ever experience moments where you feel like the 3rd wheel in friendships or a mixture of things depending on who you are with?

I think about conversations I've had with people over the years and some of these questions have come up. I also feel that as a society we are less relational than we once were. Social media is connecting more people these days, but it's still not the same as a face to face friendship. Someone who will let you be you no matter what, someone who can see your house a mess, as well as your life, and still accept you. I don't know too many people these days that know all their neighbors and interact with them daily.

What advice would you give to someone who continually invests in others but often feels that those they have invested in are not as interested in investing in them? Is it easier to think of what you would say to someone in the reverse situation. I suppose in reverse the person may not have many true friendships.
Would you tell that person that they are 'chasing the wind' or that they are putting too much thought into it? Would you applaud them for the heart they have to love and care for others no matter what, even if it is never returned?
Do you think this happens more in family relationships or in friendships?
Do you think there is more of a need to try harder when it comes to family or give up easier due to enhanced expectations?
Do you find yourself concerned with what people think or what God thinks regarding the choices you make in your life concerning the way you treat, talk about, spend time with, or care for others?

I think one's perspectives in life about faith, people, and values would skew any answer while, at the root, all people want to be accepted. Why do you think it's easier to discount some people based on a set of criteria? Self-preservation, fear, trust, difficulty, comfort, or all of the above?
Boundaries are important though, do you feel that setting healthy boundaries is necessary and not being exclusive towards others? I have known friends and family that would be quick to write anyone off if they did not see a return on their relationship-investment immediately or if there were ever a disagreement. Have you experienced this?

I don't think that we are meant to be in close relationship with everyone. There is something to be said about friendships (and family) that seem to flow naturally and comfortably, but what do you do when relationships or friendships are tense, uncomfortable, or awkward? I know from experience that kindness is not always the easiest or comfortable response, but as much as we are able, I believe it is good to be kind to everyone.
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I know a woman who felt connected for the first time to a peer, after a season of feeling alone and living in a new town. This woman had longed for a sister-like friend for some time and was thankful to God when she thought that she was connecting with an acquaintance and seeing their friendship blossom deeper as she viewed this person like a sister she never had. She invested time, prayer, support, and involvement with her life during good and hard times, but never felt that same interest reciprocated. She continued to press on, but after a year decided to pull back seeing that her friend had many other close relationships.
She wasn't investing in this person simply to get something out of it, but she realized that maybe her investment was not valued at the same level as she would have hoped. It's not that she wasn't a good friend and isn't still when they occasionally see each other, she just didn't feel that this person was interested in being more than an acquaintance. or outer-circle friend, and she accepted that. She did feel slightly depressed at first, as she recognized a time of grief for the loss of what she hoped would be a true sister-like friendship, but she continued to hope and trust that God would provide a sister in faith as like iron that sharpens iron.

Have you ever been in her shoes? I have.
Do you think that God puts this longing in the hearts of women to have connections with each other that go beyond "Hi, how are you...fine thanks and you? Bye, nice to see you, have a good day." ? Do you think experiencing this helps us to grow and mature so that we don't take people for granted? I can imagine that we each have our inner-circle relationships and our outer-circles. I can also guess that not always the people in our inner-circles consider us to be in their inner-circles. It's not an obligatory placement, but a personal choice we each make based on comfort and connections.

Some of you reading this can relate to my friend. How have you struggled with this?

Others may not relate, but have good advice and enjoy great sister-like friendships.
What advice would you give to women who are praying for some "Iron" and a Sister in the faith that "get's them"? --OR for women that have not experienced healthy relationships, but are seeking God to give them insight and provision and help them set boundaries.

I don't know if all women long for this type of friendship, some may consider it desperate or co-dependent....but I would be willing to guess that some men even long for a friend that "get's them" that knows them well and is there through hard times and good times. First and foremost I understand that God needs to be our truest source of hope and our confidant, but there is something to be said also for a tangible relationship between two people and I believe God designed us for relationships.

I think if we rely on our spouses (if we are married) to fully fill this need we may burden them in a way...however I also know of some couples that are truely each other's best friend and they are able to communicate and relate in a way deeper than any friendship. (which is quite awesome)

I do personally believe that it is unhealthy and potentially damaging for someone to have a close sister-like or brother-like friend that is of the opposite sex who is given more time than your spouse. That is just asking for trouble no matter how long you've had that friendship or how strong you think you are. If you are married, you should do what you can to invest in your marriage relationship above all else for as long as God gives you time to do so. You both need friendships, but they shouldn't trump the vows you took to become one. Make time for your spouse! If your marriage is unhealthy or controlling though I would suggest seeing a trusted counselor or pastor.




Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, So one (wo)man sharpens another.

Second Chances

Have you ever thought about "second chances"? What comes to mind when you read that phrase? Do you think biblically? Do you think of times when you've given them? Do you think of when you've recieved them? Here are some thoughts I had recently on the topic.


Often, it seems that the second chance is even more important or meaningful than the first chance. Why is that? Do we feel we have to prove ourselves? Why do we put more effort in the consecutive chances?

Right now I'm thinking of games or sports. You have a task to complete in a set amount of time within certain parameters. If you fail the initial objective you are then allowed to continue trying until you are able to complete it.

Tonight I watched my daughter compete on a game for about half an hour doing her best to beat the same level over and over again. Each new turn she was more determined than ever to accomplish her goal.

Do you think multiple chances at things in life spur on our motivation and empower our determination? I think if we never had to work for anything we would not truly learn and we wouldn't know how to appreciate that which we do have.

What about second chances in life? Have you or someone you have known experienced a second chance in life, be it figuratively or literally? Mistakes can be made and it sure feels good to know that forgiveness is available and that you can move on.
Second chances at life in the literal sense can range from a rough diagnosis that improves, to a risky operation, to an illness, or even just the timing of God.

What would you do right now if someone close to you (or yourself) were faced with an opportunity to experience a second chance at life? Most people who have 'near death' experiences come back radically transformed and live life with much more purpose.

I have been given so many second, third, and hundredth chances growing up in life...making bad decisions and having to face that consequence. We never really feel we deserve this mercy when we know we've done something wrong.

Sometimes when bad things happen we don't know why, but there are loved ones that don't get a second chance at life and we feel they left us too soon. I can't say why someone who seems not to deserve it recieves it or why someone who seems to deserve it doesn't, but we can know that God does. Perhaps what we have to remember is that what He has for us is ALWAYS better, even if you can't understand it now.

I think of a well known man in the bible who was getting quite old and near death. He asked for a second chance, it was granted, but in a way he kind of blew it.

We all live on borrowed time and tend to take for granted what we have. We assume we'll all live to 60, 70, 80...etc. We find it easier to nurse a grudge or hurt feelings than to love unconditionally.

Be purposeful with your time, choices, families, etc. If you've been given a second chance know that God has a plan for your life.

Whirlwinds

Have you ever experienced a situation in life that left you feeling like everything was swept up in a big whirlwind and scattered beyond eyesight?

I've been there and it's not an easy place. Your emotions are fractured and your stomach is in knots.

You want to shout, scream, cry, deny, or even escape.

But you have to be strong for those that need you the most, especially if you are a parent. There will be time to heal and God will be with you. It may not be easy in the least, but if you empty yourself completely and let God fill you back up you will be strengthened. More than likely you'll still be able to pour out your life into others but, for a time, you may need to let God use others to fill you up and hold you up.

Nothing in life is for certain except God.

He has and does perform miraculous things and perhaps you may be on the edge of a miracle in your own life.

Don't let go of God in the hard times because you will need His strength to get through them.

A new journey

I haven't written on my blog in some time. I am sitting at home this morning not feeling very "inspired" to write, but I decided to write for the sake of keeping up with it. May not be the most productive and inspired writing moment, but we'll see where it goes from here. :)

I just started a new bible study that I am excited about. It seems to be VERY timely as God usually is. I am also thinking that through this study I will become inspired to write more.

Last night I was thinking of a lot of things, as usual, and felt challenged to inspire others to "pour into" their families. I had two pictures in my mind. The first was a row of cups and someone carefully had filled each one to a certain level and was managing all their cups. The second image was of one cup with a circle of cups below it. The first cup was being filled to overflowing and as it overflowed it spilled into the cups below it which in turn overflowed into cups below them.

What I got from this in short was that many people are juggling a lot of things, trying to perform at a certain level and feeling confident that they are doing well because all their cups are in a row and they are all adequately full. The down-side is that these cups are full of stagnant water.

Do you want your family relationships to be fluid, connected, and overflowing, or are you so focused on all the tasks you need to do and the time to do them that you aren't pouring into your family?

I will possibly write more on this another time.

In closing I will share one more thought...
A relative was visiting recently and we were on the subject of flowers. They mentioned that they didn't want flowers around because they just die.
I thought to myself, well they will die in the store or at my home, they are already cut. But then I thought further and realized....everything dies, we choose to enjoy the beauty of life while it is here. Whether it is flowers or our loved ones. We won't live forever, what are you doing to enjoy the beauty of those around you today?

:)

A Tree

For some reason trees have, on more than one occasion, been visual beginnings to deeper reflections in my faith. A few weeks ago I was sitting in a mall while my younger children played in the designated "play area" and I watched as they climbed on the tree in the center and interacted with the others there. It is an artificial tree built with a slide going through it's center and artificial leaves coming out from branches reaching up towards the skylight. I sat and stared at the branches for a while, thinking first about how they made them, but then I had this picture in my mind of a tree.

The above picture is about the closest I could find to the picture I had in my mind. I could see a sturdy tree, but it was bare with branches reaching up toward heaven. Then I started to see another picture superimposed over the tree...



I could see a hand reaching up toward heaven, coming up from the ground as does the tree, and the hand of the Lord coming down to take hold of it, to support it...but then, it was as if his fingers were moving down the arm (trunk) and becoming the roots of the tree.
(I want Him to be my roots!-firmly rooted in Christ!)
And the other hand, maybe my hand, reaching up with the fingers becoming the branches straining towards heaven yet in the change that was happening his grip was still securely on me and mine on Him.

It was not a long moment, but it seems to be fixed there in my mind. It has been there ever since that day at the mall with my family and though I did not forget it, I was reminded of it again yesterday in worship as we sang.

So, my hope for those of you who read my blog or have stumbled up on it is this...

When you see a tree that catches your eye, I hope that for a moment it will remind you that God has His hand extended towards you,

He will never let you go...

Reach your arms toward heaven and take His hand...


Let His spirit Shine through You!

Words of Kindness

Proverbs 31:26 NKJ
She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness.

This was the Key verse at the Beth Moore Simulcast this past September which I was privledged to be a part of the planning team at our church.
It was interesting to hear the difference between the root word of "nice" and the root of "kindness".

It has affected how I respond and think.

THEN, yesterday I heard this message called "Words of Kindness, Source of Healing".
I really REALLY think you ALL should listen to this broadcast on Focus on the Family. This womans message is SO GOOD!!!

I loved it so much I am listening to it right now and I even dreamed about a passion to pray more for others and walk in kindness boldly...boldly challenging the enemy in his areas of division.