Relationships

Relationships...what does that word make you think of?
While this writing may not feel inspired to me as some of my other blogs where the words seem to flow from some deeper place. I have been pensive and thought I would share my thoughts tonight and ask for your opinions and personal insights. There are many questions here for you to consider and I would love to hear back from you! My brain is the type of "overthinking" brain that can generate many questions and ideas...so if you can handle that, read on. :) This is written primarily to women, but may be relatable to some men as well.

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I often think about relationships...with family, friends, coworkers, and those we interact with on a day to day basis.

I think about how good it feels to have at least one great friend that completely "get's you" and you can pick up and leave off as if no time has passed. Someone who doesn't have to be exactly like you, but for some reason you click and it just feels effortless, refreshing, and even when there is a disagreement, you manage to get through it together.

Some people never experience a good healthy friendship or a good healthy family relationship. Others try to have as many relationships as they can while some are content with just one or two.

Where do you find yourself in relationships?
A giver...a taker...or somewhere balanced in between? (Ebb & flo)
Many...few...or seeking for someone that "get's you"?
Do you find yourself the center of attention or a go-with-the-flo type of friend when you get together?
Are you always the driver or are you the friend that often has to be the first to call shot-gun? Do you ever experience moments where you feel like the 3rd wheel in friendships or a mixture of things depending on who you are with?

I think about conversations I've had with people over the years and some of these questions have come up. I also feel that as a society we are less relational than we once were. Social media is connecting more people these days, but it's still not the same as a face to face friendship. Someone who will let you be you no matter what, someone who can see your house a mess, as well as your life, and still accept you. I don't know too many people these days that know all their neighbors and interact with them daily.

What advice would you give to someone who continually invests in others but often feels that those they have invested in are not as interested in investing in them? Is it easier to think of what you would say to someone in the reverse situation. I suppose in reverse the person may not have many true friendships.
Would you tell that person that they are 'chasing the wind' or that they are putting too much thought into it? Would you applaud them for the heart they have to love and care for others no matter what, even if it is never returned?
Do you think this happens more in family relationships or in friendships?
Do you think there is more of a need to try harder when it comes to family or give up easier due to enhanced expectations?
Do you find yourself concerned with what people think or what God thinks regarding the choices you make in your life concerning the way you treat, talk about, spend time with, or care for others?

I think one's perspectives in life about faith, people, and values would skew any answer while, at the root, all people want to be accepted. Why do you think it's easier to discount some people based on a set of criteria? Self-preservation, fear, trust, difficulty, comfort, or all of the above?
Boundaries are important though, do you feel that setting healthy boundaries is necessary and not being exclusive towards others? I have known friends and family that would be quick to write anyone off if they did not see a return on their relationship-investment immediately or if there were ever a disagreement. Have you experienced this?

I don't think that we are meant to be in close relationship with everyone. There is something to be said about friendships (and family) that seem to flow naturally and comfortably, but what do you do when relationships or friendships are tense, uncomfortable, or awkward? I know from experience that kindness is not always the easiest or comfortable response, but as much as we are able, I believe it is good to be kind to everyone.
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I know a woman who felt connected for the first time to a peer, after a season of feeling alone and living in a new town. This woman had longed for a sister-like friend for some time and was thankful to God when she thought that she was connecting with an acquaintance and seeing their friendship blossom deeper as she viewed this person like a sister she never had. She invested time, prayer, support, and involvement with her life during good and hard times, but never felt that same interest reciprocated. She continued to press on, but after a year decided to pull back seeing that her friend had many other close relationships.
She wasn't investing in this person simply to get something out of it, but she realized that maybe her investment was not valued at the same level as she would have hoped. It's not that she wasn't a good friend and isn't still when they occasionally see each other, she just didn't feel that this person was interested in being more than an acquaintance. or outer-circle friend, and she accepted that. She did feel slightly depressed at first, as she recognized a time of grief for the loss of what she hoped would be a true sister-like friendship, but she continued to hope and trust that God would provide a sister in faith as like iron that sharpens iron.

Have you ever been in her shoes? I have.
Do you think that God puts this longing in the hearts of women to have connections with each other that go beyond "Hi, how are you...fine thanks and you? Bye, nice to see you, have a good day." ? Do you think experiencing this helps us to grow and mature so that we don't take people for granted? I can imagine that we each have our inner-circle relationships and our outer-circles. I can also guess that not always the people in our inner-circles consider us to be in their inner-circles. It's not an obligatory placement, but a personal choice we each make based on comfort and connections.

Some of you reading this can relate to my friend. How have you struggled with this?

Others may not relate, but have good advice and enjoy great sister-like friendships.
What advice would you give to women who are praying for some "Iron" and a Sister in the faith that "get's them"? --OR for women that have not experienced healthy relationships, but are seeking God to give them insight and provision and help them set boundaries.

I don't know if all women long for this type of friendship, some may consider it desperate or co-dependent....but I would be willing to guess that some men even long for a friend that "get's them" that knows them well and is there through hard times and good times. First and foremost I understand that God needs to be our truest source of hope and our confidant, but there is something to be said also for a tangible relationship between two people and I believe God designed us for relationships.

I think if we rely on our spouses (if we are married) to fully fill this need we may burden them in a way...however I also know of some couples that are truely each other's best friend and they are able to communicate and relate in a way deeper than any friendship. (which is quite awesome)

I do personally believe that it is unhealthy and potentially damaging for someone to have a close sister-like or brother-like friend that is of the opposite sex who is given more time than your spouse. That is just asking for trouble no matter how long you've had that friendship or how strong you think you are. If you are married, you should do what you can to invest in your marriage relationship above all else for as long as God gives you time to do so. You both need friendships, but they shouldn't trump the vows you took to become one. Make time for your spouse! If your marriage is unhealthy or controlling though I would suggest seeing a trusted counselor or pastor.




Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, So one (wo)man sharpens another.